The act of a driver coming to a traffic light with 15 seconds left says a lot about how he or she approaches life. Some look at it, and speed up, hoping to beat the timer and traffic to get over to the other side. They risk their lives.
Sometimes, even when they are red, they speed up even more, daring to beat the traffic coming from the other side. Some stop abruptly, coming to a screeching halt, realizing that they can’t beat it. Tyres are burned, and the inertia of the movement propels and jerks them forward, only with a seatbelt preventing them from flying off their seat, warmed by the anxiety of taking a risk.
But some looking at the timer, decide prematurely that they can’t make it at all, and come to a slow. When they arrived, there were 5 seconds left on the timer. It’s ok.
And some will accept that the advent of making or not making the traffic light is out of their control. They maintain their speed. Only when the light is still green, do they keep at their pace. When it’s not, they stop without coming to a sudden halt. They let go of the outcome and leave them to the ‘Gods’ or ‘Fate’ but persist in their journey.
Now, are these the ramblings of a madman? Thinking about how we deal with an expiring traffic light as analogous to life is certainly an act or thought that is uncommon.
Most of us will just say, it is just a traffic light.
Why think so much about it?
But I did. And here’s where I think the actions that lead to facing an expiring traffic light are worthy of an examination in a philosophical sense.
Why do We Race to Beat a Traffic Light?
I am sure you have done this a couple of times.
Imagine you are stuck in morning traffic. And it has been 15 minutes. You see the timer, and you know you don’t want to be stuck anymore. You take a risk and you race to beat it.
The people beside you also do it. And if the car in front of you stops, you curse the car in front for not being fast enough. And now you are stuck again.
We are racing to beat a traffic light because we feel the weight and urgency of time. The time that moves without caring about anyone or anything. And deep inside, we all fear the weight of time. That we are wasting time.
In our paths through time, it is akin to life. Time spent stuck in traffic could be spent doing something productive to further our careers and life goals.
So, we try to catch up to time. To beat the traffic in front of us.
We are willing to take the risks. Of being involved in an accident. Sometimes, we make it. Sometimes, we don’t.
The thing is we don’t fully understand the risk-reward of rushing to ‘catch up’ to time or regaining ‘lost time’.
We will only do this when we experience the full effects of the accident when we rush forward without thinking much. And it made me realise that this was true in a general sense in life.
We Rush Ahead in Life, Not Fully Understanding the Risks
Like the 15-second timer, have you ever come face-to-face with an impending deadline in your work?
You get worried about it so you spend more time working on it, past your working hours, past your physical and mental limits. In a way, it feels like I am rushing to beat the traffic light, hoping that I can get past it without accident.
That’s why I thought to myself. I understood the reward — getting promoted, higher pay, and achieving more in my career.
But I don’t understand the risks.
Only when I was lying down on the floors of my office, having a full-on panic attack, that I begin to ponder about the risks.
My father, who has had a stroke, and is partially disabled, and my mum, who is retired, and a full-time caretaker were waiting for me at home. They wanted to spend time with me, but I was working overtime.
My mental health was in total disarray. My physical health was at its lowest point. I was overweight by close to 15 kilograms, and persistently had fevers, colds, diarrhoea and anxiety attacks.
I was once the person who was racing to beat the traffic light.
And I got into accidents.
Some will get them early. Some will get them later in life. But like death and taxes, they will all come for us at some point.
It Made Me Slow Down Even before I reached the Traffic Light
Remember the person who saw the timer, and immediately slowed down?
That person was me after the panic attacks.
I was scared. I was afraid.
Even before reaching the traffic light, I decided I would not take the risk at all. I actively avoided all risks for fear of lying down on the floor again and having severe panic attacks.
That stifled everything that I did and wanted to do.
It made me a shell of my former self.
There was no progress. Nothing. Only fear.
And that was no way to live. It’s akin to lying down on the floor too, unable to do anything.
To Accept the Passage of Time and Life and Let Go
And finally, the person who accepts whatever that comes to life. Letting go of control and results.
The person who accepts that crossing and beating a traffic light is out of his or her control and proceeds at their own pace. Crossing when there is enough time, and stopping when it’s obvious the risks will come.
I am not yet that person. Far from it.
I still wrestle with the need to go racing past it, and the fears of staying put.
But everytime I cross a traffic light now, I keep going at the speed I was going regardless of others.
Letting go is hard. Mightily so.
You fight with the angel and the demon on your shoulder. Both spurring you on to different things.
Most importantly, it let me rethink time. While many of my peers are now earning 5 figure salaries and sitting in top positions in companies, I am here writing for close to minimum wage.
But time is different for everyone. I accepted that the path my peers are now on is not for me.
I decided to let go and tread a path that I think is for me. Time flows the same for all of us but we can choose how to spend them.
That’s the power that only I can find within myself — the ability to decide for myself.
